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My heart is broken. After a month in the fetal position, it’s time to buck up…

Posted by on June 8, 2011 at 10:44 am

My story isn’t different from many of the folks who landed here from elsewhere. I moved to New York City the week after I graduated from college. The job I found for the summer was at CBS and the hand-written note on my university’s job placement office deemed it “Very clerical in nature.” Perfect, sign me up!  A few faxes later, I was hired and off to the public library in my hometown to check out books about New York City. This was before the internet so I found a cheap place to live by making phone calls — I ended up at the Webster women’s apartments — yes, just like on Bosom Buddies. (Old enough to remember that show? I loved it. Here’s the opening I found on youtube.)

My family and friends were horrified of my decision and I’m certain they all figured “Camp New York” wouldn’t last the summer. In fact, I had a return ticket to Michigan because I knew I couldn’t afford to stay if i didn’t have a “real” job by that time. I got to New York with no friends and no money so when I wasn’t working, I walked the streets. What a way to learn a city. I really believed EB White, when he wrote that “No one should come to New York to live unless he is willing to be lucky.” I was certain good fortune – a free drink or a date or a used book I wanted or a job – was around each corner. And it was. I have been lucky in New York:  jobs, friends, lots of fun and now, a family.

The thing with being part of a family, of a marriage, is that we have to do things we don’t want to do, I am realizing. And for me, 41 years old, with two kids and  6 weeks away from having baby three, my worst possible “thing I don’t want to do” is happening. The husband has accepted a job elsewhere, (he started this week) and we are moving. Not to the suburbs, or even to the country near our cottage. We’re moving to Cleveland. And I once spent a few weeks working in Cleveland and thought it was a fun city, so this isn’t about Cleveland. In fact, everybody I know from there speaks of it with almost reverence — they lovelovelove it. This is about not wanting to leave where I am. I’m sad and pissed but guess I have to pull it together, because we’re going.

The kids know and are thrilled about having a house though they have each asked me if they’ll ever get to see their friends or babysitter (who has been with us since Jake was 5 months old) again. But they’re ready for an adventure.

In my head, I know it will be fine. A yard and a house and a school bus will all be fun for them – “normal” life, like where I grew up. They’re going to make a bunch of friends and we’ll go to watch the high school football games on Friday nights and it will all be great. The husband seems happy there, too, so far. And New York will always be here, but how often will we really get to come back? And how long until I’m able to make our lives as rich as they are here?

I know, I know what you’re thinking:

Boo hoo. Stop your pity party.  Lots of people can’t find a job, even in Ohio. Lots of people don’t have wonderful families like you do. Lots of people are desperate for babies but something is not working. Lots of people have severe medical problems. Get over yourself…

I understand that I have it pretty good. But I’m still sad. (I’ll note that being pregnant is not helping.) Maybe most importantly, I’m still willing to be lucky , even if it’s in Ohio.

Lucky or not, I told the husband that I would probably cry every day for a year. So far, I’m right on on track.



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  • On June 9, 2011 at 2:47 pm Serena@MamaGoesNatural said

    Wow – what an incredible love story of NYC. You post was so candid and honest about how it will be so both hard and also incredible to move. Thinking about you during this time.


    • On June 9, 2011 at 3:07 pm said

      Thanks for the kind words. Oddly, in spite of adding to the stress, the on-his-way baby is a nice distraction. When’s that baby of yours coming? Sending lots of good baby wishes!


  • On June 14, 2011 at 9:38 am Anna ~ Random Handprints said

    ok, last time i checked-in to your blog i learned about baby #3, this time CLEVELAND? wow. i’m sure you’ll love it. and i think you will make it back to nyc – even from the burbs we fit in a summer vacation to nyc and you will too. look forward to following your cleveland tales!


    • On June 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm said

      Yes, can’t miss a minute, it seems! No Swagat in my new neighborhood! In preparation, I am ordering in every meal until we move.


  • On June 14, 2011 at 9:13 pm Anna ~ Random Handprints said

    i totally did the same thing! order it all in! bagels! coffee!


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